Why Premature Ejaculation Is Not What You’ve Been Told It Is

Over the years of developing treatment programs to help men last longer in bed, I’ve talked to 1000’s of men affected by premature ejaculation and it’s been interesting to listen to them describe to me what they believe premature ejaculation is.

Some guys felt they had premature ejaculation because they could only last 10 or 15 minutes, while many others would ejaculate and the very beginning, or even prior to penetration. Despite these differences, just about every guy that I first talk to views premature ejaculation as a condition, ailment or abnormality. Let me show you why that is almost always wrong.

Defining Premature Ejaculation

It’s been surprisingly tough for experts to come up with a standard definition for premature ejaculation. Yet there’s been no lack of trying over the years. Here are a few of the attempts.

In Amsterdam, in 2007 a group of 21 PE experts got together to chew the fat and came up with the following definition.

“Premature Ejaculation is a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration, and the inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations, and negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy”

It’s important to note that this definition was compiled by the International Society for Sexual Medicine and their backers, who have an interest in seeing premature ejaculation viewed as a medical issue. There would be a huge amount of money up for grabs if a medical treatment for PE was to be created and allowed to be marketed.

Mayo Clinic offers a much broader definition

Premature ejaculation occurs when a man ejaculates sooner during sexual intercourse than he or his partner would like

This is a much better definition and importantly takes the partner’s satisfaction and fulfillment into account.

Yet as more specific criteria are needed for traditional medical diagnoses it adds that you may meet the criteria for premature ejaculation if you:

  • Always or nearly always ejaculate within one minute of penetration
  • Are unable to delay ejaculation during intercourse all or nearly all of the time
  • Feel distressed and frustrated, and tend to avoid sexual intimacy as a result

Is a definition needed?

I haven’t spent a lot of time trying to come up with a definition for premature ejaculation as I don’t believe its needed in order to make improvements. The bottom line is that if you are unhappy with the amount of time you last in bed and would like to last longer you ejaculate prematurely. Whether this is after 10 seconds or 10 minutes it is entirely up to you or your partner to decide if it is what you want and whether you would like to take steps to last longer.

The amount of time you currently last in bed is not some god-given number. It’s just a reflection of your current ejaculatory control skills. If you haven’t specifically worked to improve these there’s a good chance that you will ejaculate prematurely.

Is premature Ejaculation a medical problem?

doc-peMedical treatment has advanced remarkably over the last 100 years. It uses a scientific method to diagnose illness and diseases and it has improved our lives and well being enormously.

However, in the overwhelming majority of cases, there is no medical abnormality. And it’s for these men that much better alternatives are available than a traditional medical approach.

In some cases of late-onset premature ejaculation a lack of ejaculatory control is caused by a physical medical problem that can be diagnosed. If you experience pain or discomfort around your genital area or when urinating you should consult your doctor

What If Premature Ejaculation Is Not a Condition But a Lack of Skill?

Of course, sex is vital to reproduction and our survival as a species but beyond that, when broken down it is little more than a recreational or pleasure activity conducted between a couple. In this aspect, it could almost be compared to a sport such as tennis, wrestling, or ice skating. Like these sports, sex requires some practice and understanding to be good at it. The problem is, that most men just expect to be good at sex without coaching or training.

Sure some guys get good on their own, but I can tell you it’s not many of them.

Related: Here’s some of the real causes of premature ejaculation discussed

Making The Mindset Switch

One thing I’ve noticed is that when men make this switch in their beliefs about premature ejaculation their chances of being able to last longer in bed get much higher. When you view premature ejaculation as a disorder or disease you start to believe that fixing it is out of your control. You start looking for pills, natural remedies or medication in the hope that they will “correct” this strange abnormality of yours.

When you get a deeper understanding of what premature ejaculation is things really start to change. when you view ejaculation control as a skill (with multiple components) that can be improved and ultimately mastered you realize that this isn’t just bad luck, it’s something you can change yourself right now.

This is why this is always one of the first things I talk to my clients about. Because if they don’t make this switch in mindset, they are unlikely to believe that they can beat this problem themselves. Once they make that switch tough it’s amazing how quickly they start improving their lasting time.

I believe it’s because my clients start to understand that they are the ones in control and they are the ones who will decide if they are to go on being premature ejaculators or not.

The Ejaculation Freedom Approach

Rather than treating you as a medical patient and searching for abnormalities the Ejaculation Freedom approach is to treat your ejaculatory control like a skill or even sport that you are training for. It may seem a bit strange at first but it will soon make perfect sense.

Here’s just a few on the skills you can learn that will boost your control

  • How to breathe the right way (both before and during sex)
  • How to eliminate muscular tension before it travels down to your abdominal and pelvic area
  • How to read the signals your body is sending out
  • How to know what position and techniques to use relative to your arousal level
  • Know what to focus on during sex (this is not about distraction)
  • How to train to reduce perceived sensitivity
  • How to train to ejaculatory muscles for added control (more important than strength)
  • How to control your thoughts and make them work for you

These are all things that every guy can learn relatively easily within a few weeks and they are all things that you won’t learn with a traditional medical approach to the problem.

The Future Of Premature Ejaculation Treatment

5 years ago guys with premature ejaculation had no access to a self-training course such as Ejaculation Freedom and no way to effectively control early ejaculation. Their only hope was to track down one of the few worldwide experts and ejaculatory training and book sessions with them.

Now, no matter where you live, you have access to these advanced methods and comprehensive instruction on lasting longer in bed and can start training on your own.

Is more and more guys see the improvements possible from ejaculatory training such as this hopefully there will be a mainstream switch towards the views on ejaculatory control and sexual performance discussed here.

If you are one of the 30% of men who ejaculate prematurely and would like to do something about it you can get a copy of the ejaculation freedom course here.

Dan Becket
Hi. I'm Dan. I coach men on how to last longer in bed and how you can improve your ejaculatory control. I have helped thousands of men permanently stop premature ejaculation naturally with my personally developed training system. You can learn more about me here or skip straight to my outline on how to last longer in bed and start learning today. Best of luck. - Dan
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